I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony