can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.