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i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
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