I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think my mom watched the whole time
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
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She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
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i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're a waste of cheezeits
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.