My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's