I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh