I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
