I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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