I accidentally had phone sex last night
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
