it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
