Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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