Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
