drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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