Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
