He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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