mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
