Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
