ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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