I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
