Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
