He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
