I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
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You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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