Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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