I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
