when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
