Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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