apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
