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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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