i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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