So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
