I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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