That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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