Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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