I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
