Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
