i permit you to call me
Me too!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
