Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
