another moral hangover. fuck.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
