So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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