he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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