The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
