I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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