Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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