i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My butt remains clenched, sir.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
