She went from zero to smokin in five shots
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
