on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk