You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.