I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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