if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Damn victory sex feels great
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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