Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
