Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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