I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
