Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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