so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize