True but thats because hes a fetus.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
