Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
