Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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