I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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