I just gift wrapped bread.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My breasts were aching with rage.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
