my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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