He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
