I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
