my vag is so smooth its legendary
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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