I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
