I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize