why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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