your parents love me but you hate me
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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