Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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