Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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