I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
