Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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