I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
